I found a lot of typos in the new reworked chapter 1. You should go over the text again and correct it where you can.
That isn’t as bad some of the wording you are using. Some of it are just words or frazes used in real world. This directly pulls me from the game and ruins my imersion as it’s not something people in fantasy world don’t have reference for.
Below is example of just completely strange hero responses to text presented as description before.
e.g. bleeding man is on ground and your hero asks him “Are you alright?”. Evidently not. Next when he wants something one of the options is “I’m busy”. That is not something you would just say to bleeding man and go away.
- As for the “One writing feel of text” is mainly for main campaign. If it should be epic then pick correct langague for it. If you want it funny then pick that, but it should be consistent thru the campaign.
Overall the first chapter is great and much more engaging. Overall if you just fix the problems above it will be great. At least it will be for me