Before starting and starting to repeat what others have said, I’d like to point everyone here.
Most of I wanted to say has been said here: SUPER In-Depth Story Feedback
That being said, I’d like to add that the story should also be consistent with the game and it with the story.
So the void is dangerous? How come I can walk through it and stay on it with no repercussions? (talking about the substance you are told is the void after interacting with the shard at the beginning)
The last refuge consists of 3 guards and 4 people. And yet the guard that find us at the opposite side of the refuge. Facing US, when not recognising us asks what are we doing so far? He clearly should know we are not part of the refuge! And since we didn’t get past him, this CAN’T be our “first time on the surface”.
The elderS plural will take a look at us? What elders? There is one. And we don’t know he’s an elder until we leave the refuge. And how come he sends a stranger, that he even suspect is a cultist ALONE to deliver the ONE THING that can help humanity? And now that I’m talking about the shard… Why does the player has it? Just because a dying old man said "get the shard. Why does the player says ok? No, I’m not saying the player accepts. The character says “ok” like it knows there is no option and should resign itself to partake on a quest that doesn’t interest him/her, with no motivation or explanation.
Why would the acolyte accept the dying man’s wish? Her motivations are to see her past homeland conquered. She clearly isn’t a caritative and generous soul. Why just say “ok”? Or are we, as players the one that should say “ok”? Resigned.
The story seems to have a great idea. I like the idea, and it’s skeleton. But the implementation is terrible (currently) and the writing atrocious. It pains me to say this :C
We as humans like stories. Even those that ignore them in games will find themselves knowing some of the lore. It’s human nature. Come on, it’s even taught in design. From industrial design to game design. Good stories sell, good stories help people remember things and get involved, good stories help player retention.
HOWEVER, bad stories can do the opposite. Details that contradict the story or lore can be distracting, badly written character motivation can make you feel frustrated, and unless it’s SUCH a TERRIBLE story that it makes a lasting impression; a bad story is forgotten.
This game looks AWESOME, and clearly has a LOT of love poured in it. It would be a shame that a bad writing tarnishes what seems to be such a good game.
Ps: Please don’t be offended by my use of caps! I use them to give emphasis. I’m not screaming or trying to be mean :3